6/25/10

Topic 1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

You're finally old enough to ask for a senior citizen ticket without looking at me apologetically.

Topic 2: World Cup

No more in-depth predictions. By the time they're posted, the games have almost begun because of the time zone difference. Predictions will henceforth be limited to scores, with more detailed thoughts being provided on events that have already transpired. Sound good? Good.

Be Off With You! (One sentence appraisals/dismissals of eliminated teams)

South Africa are better hosts than participants, but gave a good account of themselves.

France: Merde.

Greece was the worst team to win a match.

Nigeria had all of the brawn, but none of the brains.

Slovenia did not deserve their limited success.

Algeria forgot that to win, you must occasionally try to score.

Australia played with heart after being flattened by Germany, but could not overcome being flattened.

Serbia lost to the teams it was supposed to beat.

Denmark should have gone further in a weak group.

Cameroon would be the best in the world if they got points for hitting the goalpost.

New Zealand deserved better than three draws.

Italy was the worst defending champion since Oliver McCall (they even had crying in common).

Ivory Coast: the group of death strikes again, with help from a broken arm.

North Korea never had a chance.

Switzerland needs to find a way to score goals on purpose.

Honduras needs to find a way to score goals, period.

Assessing the Survivors

The teams that remain can be divided into four groups. In order of decreasing likelihood of success, they are:

The Two Favorites

Brazil: best team in the world until someone beats them.

Argentina: arguably more talented than Brazil, with the undisputed best player in the world, Lionel Messi.

Championship Contenders

Netherlands: unbeaten, untied, and untested.

Spain: too flashy for their own good?

Germany: too mechanical for their own good?

Portugal: have yet to score against a real team.

Expecting To Advance

Chile: emerged battle-tested from the group of near-death trauma.

Uruguay: undefeated with a favorable bracket, but no longer under the radar.

Paraguay: they're solid but decidedly unspectacular, and their uniforms look like circus tents.

England: the most disappointing team to advance to this stage, they've looked awful against relatively weak competition, and they have the toughest road to the Cup of any side.

USA: the draw lines up for a potential run to the semi-finals, but they will need their quality play to match their effort and heart in order to get there.

Happy To Be Here

Mexico: would be in the above group had they not been slotted against Argentina.

Japan: after being the consensus pick to bottom their group, anything beyond this point is gravy.

South Korea: lethal from set plays, but they don't have the skill to control the flow of a match.

Slovakia: eliminated Italy, but the fun stops now.

Ghana: advanced despite never scoring a goal on anything but a penalty kick, they don't deserve to still be around.

PREDICTIONS

Uruguay 2-0 South Korea

USA 2-1 Ghana

Germany 2-2 England, Germany advances on penalty kicks

Argentina 4-1 Mexico

Netherlands 2-0 Slovakia

Brazil 3-2 Chile

Paraguay 1-1 Japan, Paraguay advances on penalty kicks

Spain 3-1 Portugal

"Moment of Awesome!"